One Hell of a Foreigner
by Hopeless Desires
Summary: When I graduated military school and was assigned to WonderLand, I didn't know that I was heading to hell on earth. "Lemme go! I'm not your freaking Alice! I'm Alice Drevis! Not Alice from Bloody WonderLand!" "Aw, but I have candy!" "You can stick that candy up your butt!" AU Romenture/Drumor Rated for cursing. WARNING: You might have laughing seizures in chapter two onward.
1. The Day I Came To This Insane Place

**Can I Kill You?**

_By Hopeless Desires_

* * *

_'Even from a young age I knew what my Father was really doing.'_

* * *

**Disclaimer: I own the plot and the characters and some settings.**

Chapter One

* * *

"Okay, class, today's your last day, so please give it your all! We're going to have a Tournament between classes S and A, B and C, and D and F! So give it your all, and remember, without a plan, no one can win!" declares Mrs. Luka, our Tactics and Strategy teacher, a pretty caramel haired middle aged woman with hazel eyes.

Today was the last day for Year Five of Clock Wars Military Academy of Carroll. Each year, Year Five, the last year of the academy, battles it out in a tournament to define each child's ability.

**(WARNING: Large explanation ahead, so please bear with me.)**

Then, the trainees and mentor of the academy study each person's abilities, weapon of choice, strategy, surviving chance, and wits. With those things in mind, they assign the kid to one of the fighting districts.

There are three districts: -Wonderland (The second strongest and the least bloody one.)

–Candy Lands (The bloodiest and weakest district.)

–The Looking Glass (The strongest one.) No one has ever got into Wonderland, much less the Looking Glass.

There, the district's areas get to maim each other for the kid, until one of them wins and the kid lives there.

She/he can change areas if they wish.

The kid works for the district, and fights the other areas and even fulfils some of the other areas missions (cause the kid's their 'tool' now.) all while fighting in a war between the districts.

Of course, if you get smarter and better, you're still stuck in that district, unless another district is willing to offer you a shelter.

Then you move your butt and switch districts.

In on short sentence, you get killed.

It's an easy question with an easy answer.

Will you live?

Hell no.

Will you kill others?

Hell yeah.

Year five is filled with ten year olds and eleven year olds.

Mostly, the living beings here are faceless.

Yes, Slender Man is real, big whoop.

The kids with faces are called role holders, their rushed to this school until they get to year five where they're assigned to a district.

There are also Foreigners. People from another land that is nearly empty of creatures after its fight with Looking Glass. Foreigners aren't replaced and each one's different, they don't like killing and are usually smarter but weaker than the other blood thirsty role holders and faceless. The ones left, which are really little, only twenty or so, are confined to work under slavery, working until the day they die. Serving the Looking Glass's Master, The Writer.

Their children are tested in a fight for life, whoever they think is special, or capable of surviving, they take under their black wings and teach them the role holder ways.

But they aren't given a role when they're shipped to a district; they're just called the 'Foreigner'. (Although rarely do they survive this hell hole we ccall school.)

And I'm a foreigner.

**(Explanation: Done.)**

Oh god, this is looking like one of my books named Hunger Games. Do you know it?

In short? Faceless, not important, Role holders, dangerous, important bad ass people, and Foreigners, intelligent emotional slaves.

"Okay, students, you may go to the table in the middle and choose your weapon. You may have up to one ally. You have ten minutes."

The students and I rushed to the circular steel table in the middle of the white room. On it laid a bunch of awesome weapons.

Cue fangirling.

I'm obsessed with weaponry; they're awesome tools of destru—excuse me, _peace_. I mean how can you choose ONE weapon? I could choose the laser lipstick, or the beautiful artistic needles that inject poison into your main blood stream, or—.

That chainsaw.

That beautiful shining steel weapon, I can already picture red on it, it's annoying but soothing sound being the last thing my victims will hear as they sleep forever.

I run for it just as another, blond boy jumps for it.

I slap his hand away, but he looks at me with angry brown eyes, and scratches my face, I grab the bat as we fall and hit his chest, hesitantly.

I probably should mention this, as much as I thirst for fighting, I hate killing. It's useless, why be in pain and inflict pain on others when they can live a nice life? It's a waste of lives. If I had one measly life, I could give it to my mo—.

"Stop!" The teacher stops us with her glare. "No killing now, there's plenty of it later."

While the dumb blonde guy is distracted, I quickly lift my hands to the beautiful weapon, and—.

Another tanned hand takes the chainsaw first, and I stare at a pretty dark haired girl, around eleven.

Darn her.

The boy and I have to take another weapon, and since we were late (because of that bad ass fight we had) we had to take the last two, stupid weapons.

I took the wooden bat I originally grabbed in the fight, and he grabbed a bow with cheap arrows.

Lucky guy, but I don't even know how to use it, anyways.

"Okay kiddos, times up! Good luck!"

Wow, Mrs. Luka can be really ni—

"And into the bear's mouth you go!"

... I _love_ you too.

When we enter the door, there's a long white hallway in front of us, with three doors lining next to each other, ten meters separating them.

A white marble slab of a door, a brown wooden door, and a small round shaped see through window that can be opened.

At first, the five kids who are in year five (the school's population is 15.) crowd around the small window.

I push against the small crowd until I slip in because of my small frame. I absorb the sight before me.

There's a small lake with still water in it. I search it quietly for any creatures living in it.

None, at all.

But there's a thick brown log drifting slowly towards. I squint at it. It looks really and thick and there are these to green spots—_are these eyes?!_

_"Um,"_ a small blonde girl asks shyly. "Do logs have eyes?"

The air is tense as it nears closer and closer. And then suddenly, the log leaps and rams into the glass window, a mouthful of fangs dug into the glass.

The kids pressing their faces on the window leap back shrieking, me included.

The only one who isn't shrieking is the small dark haired girl from before; she just steadies herself and clutches the chainsaw tighter, a firm line on her focused face.

"The windows breaking," she says, which is the first time I heard her talk (I'm not one to talk). Her voice is surprisingly low and mature beyond her looks.

I look back at the window and find lines stretching slowly against the window. Red eyes glare back at us.

Eyes of an alligator.

"The alligator will get in, and then we'll be…"

"Happy meals for free?" I suggest.

The group glares at me.

Sheesh! What moody children. I was only _informing_ them of their deaths if they didn't move their tiny ass away from here!

_"You have three minutes left until the entrances close. After that, anyone that has not crossed the boundary and into the rainy forest shall die by the exploding bombs,"_ instructed Mrs. Luka.

Gladly Mrs. Luka, wait… _did you just say Exploding BOMB—_

"Two minutes… One minute and forty-five seconds… one minute and twenty-two seconds."

Shit.

I quickly ran over to the white marble slat door, as it was the farthest away from the lake.

Heaving, I pushed the heavy slat, the pretty girl from before helped me push.

We were the only ones heading here; the other kids went to the other doors.

Finally, we pushed the door open, and slipped out into the wilderness, and were greeted by sunlight.

Once I got out, I held up my bat protectively, we would have to kill each other now. All ties before are lost in this Tournament. I have to survive.

"Stop." The girl says. "I want to be allies."

I'm stunned for a second. And suspicious, I don't even know this girl, and she could bring me down. I could get attached to her and she could die and—.

"Hoshina Haruka."

"Huh?"

"My name."

"…Alice."

"Alice…?"

"… Alice None-Of-Your-Beeswax."

She didn't pressure me, but she understood.

I was alright with allying.

"We'll have to stop the alliance later. Don't want to kill you." _If you don't die first, _I want to say. _Or kill me in my sleep. _But I just look the other way, and does too.

"For now… can we be… fre—_comrades?"_ she asks shyly, the tips of her ears red.

I fidget. "I guess, just… don't leave suddenly." She gets what I mean and nods.

And then we're on our merry ways into the rain forest.

* * *

We come across another kid.

A black haired girl whose hair is waist length and tied in a side ponytail is leaning over another boy, while panting heavily. Coming closer I realize that the boy is actually dead, his chest red and unmoving, his entire shirt is red it looks like it's actually red. There's a metal stench in the air which I identify as the smell of blood.

I share glances with Haruka and we come to a silent agreement.

I'll kill her, she'll make a distraction.

I lay low, waiting for Haruka's distraction.

A moment later, the sound of metal on metal is ringing through the air. Our victim tenses up and gets out her axe, looking this way and that. Slowly, she walks over to the tree, using the axe as protection.

My chance.

I stalk over to her, like a predator to prey, and hold the bat over my head.

At the last moment she turns around and gasps as she sees me. I crash the bat over her head and miss as she dodges to the left, just as a chainsaw swishing in her former standing place.

Lucky girl.

I quickly throw the bat her way and it hits her stomach, she falls down over the tree with an _'Oof'_ and quickly crawls away, clutching her wounded stomach. There's no bleeding, as I didn't hit her hard enough.

The girl is obviously strong as she quickly staggers up and retrieves her fallen axe. Haruka tries to hit her with the chainsaw but unfortunately hits the tree above the girl's head as she crouches, and is stuck there. I never thought Haruka can use that chainsaw, because she's so small, and the chainsaw is heavy like hell.

She comes at me while Haruka is distracted, trying to get the chainsaw out.

She slashes at me, but I narrowly miss her slash, and it hits my hand instead. There's an excruciating pain and I feel like my breath is leaving me as she punches me in the chest.

_I can't die._

_Not now!_

_I still have a purpose for life._

I grab her long side ponytail hair as I fall, and she falls with me.

While she's momentarily stunned, I grab her axe and slash at her with my good hand.

I hit her leg and she crumbles to the floor with a painful howl, and I can't help but pity her.

But I have to live.

We both forget someone, as suddenly Haruka grabs her legs, giving up on the chainsaw.

She pulls at her to come closer to the tree, but the openly crying girl snatches my hair and pulls me with her.

"Please," she pleads. "Let me live! I don't want to die… I want to see Miley again, and Dan, and Mom and Dad…_Please!"_

Haruka and I stay silent.

Suddenly, she tugs at my hair, and the bat's within the girl's hold, she raises it to hit me, but I cut my hair quickly with the axe, I chop my shoulder length hair, but I don't care, I always wanted to cut it, although we weren't allowed to grab a hold of a scissor for obvious bloody reasons.

I remember that a boy once hit some teacher in the eye with a scissor before, while the girl suddenly snatches my bangs and pulls hard.

I fell like there's a fire in my hair's roots, as she almost tears them off.

"I don't want to die!" she wails.

"I d-d-don't want to die e-either." I gasp out. "I'm sorry."

And I throw the knife against her arm, the axe, once hers, slid into its owners hand and stops at the bone; I push with all my force, and the bone cracks along with the girl's screams. The axe soon hits the floor and the girl's cries quiet down.

Haruka and I pitied her as she cried on the ground, her stomach probably bruised, with only an arm, and bruised legs. She also has a black eye from the boy, I guess. Her stump of a left hand is bleeding heavily and now she's surrounded by a pool of blood.

I close her eyes gently with her blood on my hand just as her chest heaves slower and slower, until finally, she breathes her final ragged breath and her chest stops moving.

She croaked a word as she perished. "I'm sowwwyyy MAAAelaiii."

Suddenly the forest is quiet, and I'm staring at my bloody hands, my bloody bat which was once clean, the girl's dangerous axe, and I stare coldly at Haruka's clean hands, and her clean chainsaw, gleaming under the soft sunlight passing through the tall trees.

All she did was pull her legs and scare her.

But I...

I killed her.

It wasn't my first time, more like my third time.

But...

My chest feels empty.

Harka runs away, and I follow her. I also need to run. Run from this gruesome scene I did.

I rub my cheeks from the blood that splattered on my, but I'm unsuccessful.

I stop.

"Stop." I hiss to Haruka. I can hear something. Something loud.

"What?" Alex whispers, oblivious. I don't think she's heard what I've said. Or what I'm hearing. The low, rumbling, almost hissing sound that we're nearing closer to with every step. It pauses for a second, and then continues even louder.

"STOP!" I'm shouting now, but she's continuing through the trees. I can hear the rattling louder and louder with every step I take, wondering if Haruka is really this hard of hearing. Finally, she stops and looks back, but it's too late. I can see what's causing the rattling now. So can she.

Ten small poisonous normal forest purple snakes stocked here are writhing on the ground. They slither their tails, creating the sound I heard earlier. Thankfully, it seems like none of them have heard us yet.

But, then I hear it. Haruka stepping backwards, her chainsaw falling on the ground as she stares in horror.

"S-sssssnAAAAAKES!" she shrieks.

In a millisecond, every single one of the snakes raises its head in an unnervingly uniform way, staring unmoving, waiting for movement. And suddenly Haruka screams. One single rattle from a snake, and they're on us. Slithering in an un-naturally fast way, I hardly have time to start running. Haruka has no head start at all; they're on her heels, snapping. In a single motion, she jumps screaming like a banshee, shaking her feet as if to get the snakes free. They retreat, but only for a second. Haruka is fast though, she's caught up to me in seconds.

"You okay?" I dare to waste time asking.

She huffs and puffs and I realize that her face is paling, her left leg limping.

Her feet are purple and their swollen and something is oozing out of it… probably pus.

A shake of the head is all I get in return. We run in complete fear, dodging branches and other things before reaching the lake.I quickly run, and glance back. Haruka is slowing down and panting. Her breathe is ragged and it looks like she's choking on air. The snakes are gaining on us, so I can't go back and check on her. We're allies, but in this situation that doesn't matter, the only way to live is to run for your life.

I'm heaving now, stumbling. If only I could get to the water, I'd be fine: these snakes aren't water snakes.

Well, probably.

I quickly jump into the lake as soon as I reach it.

Suddenly, I hear Haruka, howling with pain and fear, driven nearly mad with the sound of her skin sizzling off. She's shrieking helplessly, as I watch guiltily at the strips of skin falling on the moist forest floor.

"Alice! Help meeee! Pleaaassssse, I have a phobia of ssssnakes," she screams hollowly. "_Please."_

If she was capable of rational thought, she may conclude that there's nothing I can do.

But I can't leave her like that! Until we stop or alliance, I will never stop helping her, so I run towards her with my bat, heart beating, my mind yelling curse words at me, but it's hopeless. I'm too loyal.

That night, my father said the same thing before he…

Before he…

"I'm coming! I won't leave you Haruka!"

She stops screaming in pain, and that's how I know she's a goner. I remember in biology class, last week, they told us that acid has a way of disabling your nerves before you go unconscious.

She breathes once more before her chest goes still, before the snakes go back into their home, the forest. I leap over to her, and put my ear to her chest.

"Thank you… thank you for being like a… like a _friend _to me."I whisper to her.

She's still alive, she's still struggling for life, but with one final beat, her heart dies.

For the first time in a long time, my eyes slowly fill up with water. They don't fall, but they're there. I blink my eyes shut tightly and stuff my face into her chest and breathe in her scent.

Behind the smell of poison and snake, I can smell Haruka's body scent. It smells of nuts and acorns and flowers. For a moment, she's here again, the first girl to speak to me with no disgust or intent to murder me. I knew her for a few hours and already I miss her. I don't even know her, and I'm this attached to her. Some people, they walk into your life suddenly and leave just as suddenly. Some stay for a while, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never, ever the same.

For a moment, it's only Haruka and me. Haruka and Alice, Alice and Haruka.

I brush her long dark hair almost out of its white tie. Her eyes half-lidded, amber eyes pupiless and glazed over, her face is turning blue as if she was strangled. I can't bear to see her die alone

Dying isn't the worst thing that can happen to you. The worst thing that can happen to you is dying alone, without love.

Like my mother.

Like my father.

A sudden crazy thought comes to mind, and I immediately spring up and into the forest. I try to run softly, afraid of the snake's return. But I don't care; I think I saw a couple of flower bushes around here.

Finally I come to some orchid bushes. I grab a couple of the yellow ones and the baby pink ones. I also find weird flowers. They had maroon and white stuff in the center of the flowers. When I came closer, a soft nice fragrance hit my nose. They reminded me of how Haruka was, how she looked weird but when you got closer to her, she turns...different. I took two of them.

When I arrive at Haruka's resting place, I release her hair from its tie. It frames her azure face. I put a couple of the yello orchids on her hair in a laurel style. I put one of the weird flowers in her hand, and the other in the place of her chest, over her motionless heart. I put the pink orchids around her body.

When I finish my work, I clap my hand in satisfaction as I look at my art.

Haruka looks pretty again even with the blue face, the drool dribiling down her face, and the bags under her eyes.

But there's something wrong. It's her eyes and her state.

I can't do anything about the bags and the blue face, but I can stop the drooling and close her eyes.

I softly close her eyelids and rub her lips and chin with a leave, and close her slightly parted mouth. Her nose produces mucus, so I try to get rid of it.

I stand up and take my bat and leave her chainsaw sitting next to her, it was stupid but I had to do it.

"Sorry, Haruka."

It's time to move on.

While I'm running in the forest, I grabbed some purple berries just in case I'm hungry.

I finally rest far, far away from Haruka's death setting. I lean against the tree and close my eyes.

_Snap-snap!_

My eyes snap open, and I glance around in fear, my heart is beating.

_Thump-Ba thump- ._

_Thump-thumpity-thump._

I drop the berries and latch my teeth on my bat and scale up the tree.

Or try to, there aren't any branches.

The metallic taste of blood overruns my mouth, and I momentarily gag.

When I'm far enough, I stop and dig in my short nails into the tree, pressing my cheek on the moist bark.

There's a sound of scuttling, and some pants.

"Oh look, what do we have here?" It was the blonde boy from the squabble over the chainsaw. "A trail of berries! In the middle of a forest, near no bush. Prey, here I come!"

For a few minutes, it was silent, and I almost went down, but the silence was broken.

"I think I'll rest for a while. Eat the berries." Silly boy, don't you know it's insane talking out loud to a bunch of cliché horror movie trees!

There was the sound of squishing and munching and suddenly the boy gasped.

"G-Gaaah, UrGgH… GAAAAH!" He choked.

And everything was quite.

Apparently the berry was poisonous.

So I killed the blonde.

…Great. (Note the sarcasm, please.)

"Come down, little girl." I heard a voice that sounded like Mrs. Luka in my head talking to me.

"Little girl?"

"Shut up, voice."

"Did you just tell me—! Young lady, get your ass down here."

"Lalaaa, la laala~! I'm not hearing a crazy old hag~!"

"Get down here, you $%! *^!"

"Nah, nah naaa, bad old hag, baaad old hag. Watch your tongue, crazy insane cliché voice before I cut it off."

"And I'll burn your friggin' ass, get down here you BIATCH!"

Finally, annoyed, I glanced around for the voice.

"Oops, sorry Luka-asshat—"

"_Sensei."_

"—you scared the shit out of me."

"Go to hell you violent little girl."

"I've already been to hell."

"Shut your trap."

"Sir yes sir!"

_"Don't spit your S's kid."_

"Ssssssir yesssss ssssssir."

"…"

"No comment?"

"When did you get so talkative, brat?"

"Looong story, sit down and get comfy—"

"Move your ass before I kick it to next Thursday. We're gonna be late to the transportation ceremony like this!"

"We'll be what to what?"

* * *

I droned the whole ceremony. I couldn't focus, especially with that short kid glaring at me.

Apparently, I'll go to my new district with some guy named Nightmare and his servant Gray.

Weird name syndrome alert.

…Anyways, the headmaster kept on yapping and taking pictures with me saying 'That it is such an honor.' And 'I hereby present this award to the tournament hero, etc.' you get the point.

After the long ceremony, I was approached by a blonde girl and her black haired friend.

The stalker that was glaring at me the whole past two hours.

"Hey," the bubbly blonde began. "It's totally awesome how your, like, the hero of the year!"

Hero of the year? I killed two kids and couldn't save a girl.

Yeah, not hero to me.

"I'm Carly, and this is Miley." She pointed to the black haired girl.

_Miley_—what the hell? That girl I killed mentioned that name!

I studied the girl; they had the same black hair, although this one's was short, and the same green eyes.

"Are you her sister." I stated instead of asking.

The way she glared at me said yes.

"I'll take that as yes. I'm sorry, I did it. It was either me or her."

And I turned my back at her and walked out of the large auditorium.

The trip to Wonderland was quite with my two escorters silent. Gray and Nightmare. Nightmare was a kid around fifteen and Gray was a man around twenty.

Did I mention that he was a slow driver?

"Gray, could you hurry up?" Nightmare complained, smirking at me. "We don't want to annoy our guest, do we?"

Gray sighed as he blew his dark blue bangs away of his eyesight.

Gray hair is dark blue and his eyes are golden colored. He was wearing a dark gray suit and jacket combination. There are golden accents on the outfit with his buttons and links as well as on the strap across his chest. The strap itself is brown and also has blue circle patterns along its length. His slacks are black as well as his shoes. When he shifted, I could see a lizard tattoo.

Nightmare has short, smooth silver hair that reaches just past his chin, and one grey, Nightmare was wearing a black and gold eyepatch over his left eye, so he looked like a pirate. He was wearing a dark grey suit with a frilled white shirt. He has very pale, perfect skin and lips so pale they're almost purple.

Soooo, Mother Hen and Pirate.

Nightmare bursts out laughing and his right eye is tearing up. "M-mother Hen! Ha hahaaa!"

I glanced at Gray. "Is he always like this?"

"Yes."

**"**Say, did you know…**" **Nightmare began.

I blinked. Know what…?

**"**That every game has rules?**"**

" Well, of course every game has rules. After all, if there are no rules, then how will we progress? How will you know what to do?" I snap.

**"**Rules that are meant to be broken.**"**

"The rule maker wants us to be a rule breaker? But why? Aren't rules meant to be followed?"

"There are rules for those who don't play the game, too.**"**

"Like…for people who are in the background? Is that what you're saying, Mr. Creepy Pirate?"

He smirked and leaned into his seat next to the driver. **"**I await your participation. You can't refuse.**"**

"No options…are you saying that no matter how much I reject to take part in a game, I'll end up playing?"

**"**So… Let the game begin.**"**

Yeah right, he can go to hell I wouldn't care. I'm not playing his stupid game. He can play it with mother hen/creepy guy driving the car.

**"**Hey, you do want to participate in the game right, Alice?**"**

Can't he shut the hell up? I yawned.

**"**Then it's okay to fall asleep. Don't be afraid. Embrace your role.**"**

With people I don't know, is he out of his mind.

**"**Don't worry about it. Just sleep…**"**

I can…? Isn't it rude? Oh well. I close my heavy eyes.

_**"**Come…to Wonderland.**"**_

* * *

I opened my eyes drowsily and rubbed my eyes. Where am I…? This doesn't look like the car I was in.

"Did you know rubbing your eyes first thing when you wake up is bad for your health, young miss?"

My head snaps to the direction of the voice, and I see a young boy about eleven leaning against a wall behind him, another identical boy next to him standing straight and glaring at me.

Someone's having a bad morning.

They both had blood red hair reaching down the back of their necks and burgundy eyes. One wore a jester's costume and the other wore a Warden's outfit.

"Hey, prat. So you're the new foreigner."

"Apparently I am."

He glared. "And a sharp tongue too, huh? Add that to the fact that she's a _girl_, a filthy _foreigner_ and _a kid."_

"Your not one to talk." I snorted. "Besides, at least I was taught manners, unlike you, you stupid prison warden wanna-be."

His eyes flared. "Why you little fu—!"

The other red-head put a hand on the rude guy's shoulder. "Now, now, Joker. We don't want to kill our fellow warden from now on, hmm…?"

"New fellow…warden?"

"Yeah, you insolent fool! You're assigned to Joker Territory."

"Oh boy." I mumble.

"Did you say something, ingrate?" (I don't even know what this means…)

"Last time I checked, yes. Maybe your just deaf and couldn't hear?" I retorted.

"Now, now! Quite down! This is not a way fellow comrades should act like!"

"F**e**l**l**o**w **c**o**m**r**a**d**e**s**?**"** we asked in unison.

"Yup! Since you'll mostly be torturing prisoners in the prison, Joker here will be showing you the ropes."

"WHAT!"

"No way I'm stuck with him. He stinks bad!"

"Hey!"

"What, it's the truth!"

"Come here you little—!"

"Get your filthy hands away you—!"

"STOP." Joker's twin, the jester, said/yelled.

Politely.

Darn, he's well raised.

He took of his jester hat and smiled at me. "It's awfully rude of us to threaten you without knowing your name, isn't it? I'm Joker. He's Joker. Whats your name, young Miss?" he asked.

More like commanded.

"Alice."

They both froze and their eyes turned suddenly ice cold. The atmosphere icy and tense.

"Is that so…?"

"Yup."

"Black."

"…"

"You can kill her."

"Nice to meet you too."

* * *

_To be continued._

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**PLEASE READ.**

**God, I'm awesome, aren't I? I ran away from my mom and stuck here for **_**hours **_**just to write my longest chapter yet.**

**And to think this is the first chapter!**

**Please, please, pleeeeeeeaaaaaseeee review! If I get three reviews it means that someone out there likes this and I will update.**

**PLEASE! I BEG OF YOU!**

**Oh god, mom's calling me.**

**HELP! CALL 911! MOM, PLEASE SPARE ME—**_The Author is currently busy with her mot—god, that must've hurt!_

_Anyways, review~!_


	2. Knight Shorty Comes To The Rescues

Can I Kill You?

_By Hopeless Desires_

* * *

_'Father…Wasn't exactly normal.'_

**Disclaimer: I only own the Ocs the plot and the settings.**

**Special thanks to:**

**Tailsdolls123:** Thanks so much! Your opinion really matters to me, thanks for reading it even though it's an Oc story.

**Ukyo's Insanity:** ^.^

**pinkyndx :** You do realize this is an Oc story, right? But thanks!

**Phsyco-FTW:** Thanks! I know, right! I was really afraid nobody would understand it. You did, so that means that *DRMUROLL* YOR SMART :D

Alice-in-Wonderland-fan888: Thanks! I hope you like this chapter.

**BrokenBlackCat:** Thanks for still reading this (If your still reading this.) But thanks for checking my story out even though you hate Ocs you read this. JOKER RULES!

**Elsie the Writing Desk:** I already PMed you, thanks for the reveiw!

* * *

Chapter Two

* * *

"Put that down, Sunshine!"

Currently, I was being attacked by two maniacs with whips.

"Come back here, $%!#*!"

"Homicidal maniacs! I'm surrounded by homicidal maniacs!"

"Now, now, young miss. I suggest you stop this game of chase, we don't want to disturb the prisoners, do we?"

"What Joker said! Now stand still and let me torture you—!"

"What? No way! See ya later, assholes~!"

**"** **W**e** H**a**v**e** c**an**d**y**!**"

"What do I look like? A five year old little girl?"

"Well, if you want the truth—" Joker #2 began.

"Don't you dare continue that friggin' sentence! I'm a taller than average eleven year olds. I'm taller than you!"

"Only by an inch," Joker #2 argued. "And we're eleven too!"

"So? That just proves that you Y, Shorty~!"

"Why you little—!"

"—taller girl, you are my master!"

"Hahaha haa, really Black?" Joker #1 asked whoever Black was.

Joker #2 blushed. "N-no, I didn't say that, White! She's twisting my words!"

"Who's Black and white? Some sissys who love the colors black and white so much they named themselves after it?"

"That's our names—" White began.

"—and Alice named us that." Black finished.

"**W**e** h**a**t**e **h**e**r**.**"**

"Um, okay. But I'm not this Alice hag you're talking about, so please don't kill me."

Black's eyes brightened up. "Hag? You called her a hag?"

"Er, sorry?"

Black tackled me. "I freakin' love you, wench."

"Uh, thanks?" I muttered under him. "Now could you get off?"

Black's face turned bright red and White chuckled.

Weird dudes.

So that was the tale of how I was not killed by the two sissys Sunshine and Tight Pants.

* * *

I was currently touring around the prison, checking on the prisoners and feeding them.

Sunshine had given me a note about the prisoners assigned to me (Which was quite surprising as I had thought him as incapable of spelling.)

It read:

_Wench,_

_The toys—prisoners assigned to you is the following._

_Tohrou Akaito—wears a bear head, cries and begs a lot, been here for a week._

_Maya Arai—wears a black rabbit head, been here for a month._

_Hikaru and Karou Hittachin—wear fox heads, are twins. Don't let them be in the same room, two years._

_Haruhi—no last name, wears a black cat head, has strong kicks, been here for two years._

_Amu Hoshina—Cat head, does not talk, been here for half a year._

_You'll be given more soon. The rest of the prisoners you feed and check on nightly. The ones assigned to you can do anything short of killing them. If you think they won't reply, you may kill them. Any crimes in Wonderland you have to clean, kill the criminals or hold them hostage, and you have to make a daily check around Wonderland._

_Make sure to visit the Hatter Mansion and the Heart Kingdom more than once as they have a lot of crimes and murders._

_Ciao,_

_Black_

How nice of Black to call me a wench instead of an idiot.

Whatever wench means.

Anyways, that's it, no more prisoners? Alright, I guess I should be happy.

…Although Black could have been more detailed; a whole hallway is filled with cat heads.

"Which one of you is Haruhi or Amu Hoshina." I demand.

Silence replied.

"Fine, you don't want to talk, hmm? I'll show you—_what the hell are you doing here?" _I twisted my body around and was greeted by the sight of a cat-eared boy around twelve, he's holding a can of tuna and is walking from the direction of the kitchen.

He grins nervously at me. "Um, hi?"

I take out my whip, and slide my fingers across the handle twice, and it turns to a gun.

_Bam-bam!_

I purposely miss him and the bullet plants itself next to the boy's head on the wall.

"What are you doing here?"

Instead of replying, he turns around and attempts to run.

_Rat-tat-tat-taaa._

"Stop, INTRUDER! SUNSHINE, THERES A CAT INTRUDER!"

I quickly run to him, but then a hand rams into my ankle and holds me still.

"Damn you! Let go, prisoner!"

The boy winks at me and grins towards the cat-head in the prison.

"Name's Boris Airay, nice to meet you. Thanks, Haruhi." And he runs away.

Oh really, now it's an action movie.

The prisoner—Haruhi wasn't about to let go, so I slapped her hand with the whip. She emotionlessly let go of my hand, by the tilted black cat puppet head she wore, it was obvious she was looking at the red mark on her hand.

"I'll come back for you," I threatened. "And then we'll see the punishment for law violators."

And that's how it turned into a Tom and Jerry chase. I followed him all the way out, and then my surroundings melted into a forest. The pink-head cat snickers while he runs. He's really fast, I'll give him that. He doesn't even seem tired while I'm panting.

"Hasta lavista, baby~!" He sings back at me.

How cute, he thinks he can run away from me?

_Ratatatat-taaa~!_

The cat only stops for a moment as the bullet grazes his arm. He glares back at me while wincing mid-yowl, and the ground around him is spotted red. And then he's up and running again.

_"Where are you, slave?" _I look around as I hear that voice. No one's here, although the voice is familiar.

"Am I finally turning crazy? Did hanging around a bunch of insane wanna-be's turn me insane?"

_"Shut up, you cootie infested girl."_

"Not only do I need to have a meeting with the therapist, but the voice I hear is apparently so creative his insults sound like a sissys."

_"I'll show you, you little brat. I'm the scowling mask on your whip, gun, whatever. The other face is White. We can communicate with you like this and you can too."_

I fall to my knees and bow to the air. "Oh, thank you lord! I thought I was insane! Thank God it was only Sunshine's voice haunting me!"

_"You're annoying."_

"I didn't say I was quite."

_"Shuddup and come to headquarters."_

"Headquarters? I'm sure I was in Wonderland, not Mission Impossible."

No angry voice growls at me. I pout, -or try to- too bad, fights with Black are always amusing.

I march back in the direction I came from and the ground changes into that of the prison's. A scowling Black greets me as I arrive to the kitchen.

"What happened? Why did you leave the prison without permission?"

"A cat-eared intruder came here." I reply lazily.

"_That stupid cat better—_Why didn't you alert me?"

I don't even bother correcting him.

"What did he steal? What did he do? Did he talk to the prisoners?" He fired away with his questions.

"Whoa, Sunshine. One question at a time. He stole some tuna can; he didn't talk to the prisoners." I didn't want to tell him about Haruhi, who know what he might do to the girl.

Immediately he charged to the kitchen. Me? I just walked to it while filling my nails.

Don't ask me why I'm this disrespectful to my boss on my first day. I have no respect for him because of many reasons, including but not limited to the fact that he's my age. White is another case. I feel the shudders near him but he's polite, so what can I do but be polite?

Wait, aren't the polite people the killers in the movies?

…Yeah, let's not think about that.

When I enter the kitchen, Black and I's jaws are on the ground.

The marble table in the kitchen is filled with tuna cans and fish cans. Under the table, over it, near the refrigerator, and over near the door. There's also a pink fur boa on the table, half-hidden by tuna cans and cheese cans. I don't think Black noticed it. So I took it and hid in in my warden jacket's

Black just gapes, so I pat his shoulders sympathetically. "Don't worry. It's time you got over this tuna and cheese obsession. I mean look at all these cans!"

He just looks me blankly in the eyes. "That's our only food."

I nod. "It's okay, it's okay. You can cry like the baby you are—Wait, WHAAAT?!"

"I'm hungry." He replies.

MY stomach growls with Black's, and I blush. "So am I."

"**W**HI**II**IIT**E**!**"**

* * *

"So, Boris (apparently that's the thief's name) came in here, ate a thousand can of cheese and tuna—which, by the way, is our only food-Then got out. And none of you noticed until he was running away with the food, singing."

Cue nodding.

"Idiots. I'm surrounded by idiots." Hey! He stole my line!

We both glare at him, only to be returned with the god of death glares. Bow down to the lord of glares, Strictpants White!

White sighs and massages his forehead. He's eleven and has massaging his forehead. Surely we aren't _that_ much of a nuisance.

"Oh well, we'll get over it. While we're talking one of my servants are bringing in some ingredients for cake."

"Cake? Why cake? Can't they bring normal food?" Black complained.

"Yeah, we don't know how to cook cake!" I agreed.

White smiled evilly at us. "It's about time you learned."

Black and I stared at the open cook book.

Finally, Black stretched his arms and groaned. "Well, I'm out of here. Be fast or else I'll cook you instead.

"Where are you going? We're in this together! Two for one, one for all!"

"You're the girl. Girls know how to cook." And he runs out.

Well I can always just leave and go to Haruhi—

_Click._

—… Dam* him.

But I absolutely suck at cooking.

…Oh well, might as well try and hopefully poison Black.

* * *

_**BOOOOOOOOM**_

"What the hell happened?" White came running with a screeching Black.

The whole place was covered in charcoal while the oven was destroyed.

I smiled sheepishly at them. "I warned Black."

But they didn't shut their gaping mouths.

So I decided to give them a small hint.

"I added backing soda."

Black and White just gaped at the broken oven, because inside it was a burnt bottle of Cola.

"Why would you put soda in an oven?" Black asked.

"Well the cookbook said to add baking soda."

White gave me a faltering smile, but then just stopped smiling."…Please never cook again."

* * *

"Stupid Joker," I muttered as I walked along the forest path. "I told them that I couldn't cook, but no, they just have to humiliate me. Now I have to find cat-boy. _At night_. I could've sworn it was morning a while back."

I kicked a pebble with the tip of my black boot, and just listened to the pebble clatter across the path.

…It's quite at night here.

Scratch that, it's quite all day long.

It's actually kind of probably maybe creepy.

There aren't any crickets chirping, but there's a light cool breeze lifting its way across. To tell the truth, the forest smelled of nature and something metallic, it was fresh.

The moon was bright enough that I didn't need to use my flashlight. However, that didn't last long. As I got deeper into the forest, the trees got thicker and thicker, hiding the moon's light. The light was dimming and dimming until I became shrouded in darkness._ The metallic scent was becoming much more vivid.__Now it's becoming really creepy. And I'll admit it!_

I had half the mind to run back to the prison and beg for forgiveness. On my knees. But of course I have to own the ego the size of an elephant, so I continue on the path. My boots are sloshing through a puddle of liquid. I'm pretty sure it wasn't raining, but whatever. Although… the liquid is too thick to be water.

I lean down and stick my pinkie into the liquid, it's a bright color. But I don't have great night vision so I bring up my finger and smell it.

And I'm stunned by the color of blood. I smell it. It's the metallic scent of blood I was smelling all along.

I'm out in a forest filled with monsters in a blood-thirsty country I've never been to before. Alone. At night. And there's blood in the floor.

…Yeah, horror movie character. I like your axe but I like my body as it is.

_Crack._

My heart was hammering in my chest, trying to get out. It was some stick being broken. Don't worry, Alice, its probably just a murderer stalking its prey…

Wait a second, how was that supposed to be reassuring?

Suddenly, something brushed my arm, something big, tall, and black.

Big, tall, and black=equals Big Hairy Monster.

_Haa-aa-_

OH MY GOD THERE'S SOMETHING BREATHING ON MY NECK!

"HOLY SHIT!" I back kick the Big Hairy Monster behind me and it groans.

And then it hits me that I screeched like a scared little girl.

"Why you little—!" I punch its stomach, and punch it again, and again, and again.

Now that the monster isn't in the shadows, and my eyes have accustomed to the dark, I can see that it's a:

He.

Small, short, and definitely red.

A kid.

I stare at the object of my fear. He groans and stares back with half-lidded red eyes, he's doubled over and clutching his stomach and his hair is brown and messy.

"Take a picture; it-it'll last longer." He pants.

"Um, are you okay, Shorty?" I ask warily. What? He could be a child killer and kill me, I mean, look at me! …That was probably not the best thing to say.

But the kid just ignores me like I'm just dirt.

"First that thief and now this girl. I'm defeated by a _girl_."

My dignity was demented.

"What's bad about being pawned by a girl?"

The boy finally looks at me. Well, glares but whatever. "Everything!"

"Are all the role holders here this sexist?"

I think the boy has just noticed my face and gapes openly. "…You have eyes."

"No, they're guns shaped to look like blue eyes. Yes, I have eyes."

"Are you a new role holder?"

"Nah, I'm too awesome to be one, I'm a foreigner."

"A foreigner…?"

"No, French. Yes, a foreigner. Do you know English, Shorty, or do I have to get google translator for you?"

"I'm no Shorty! I'm Ace, the knave of hearts!" H e shouted seriously.

I took one look and I burst laughing.

"You…? A knave! Ha ha haa, aha hahaa! …Be serious kid, before I bust out the guns."

The look on his face was priceless.

"I am a knight… intrainingthough, you foolish kid."

"Excuse me? You're, what, thirteen? I'm eleven, so shut your trap."

"It's called mouth—"

"Don't flash your spelling on me, nerd. Anyways, I believe you. If two annoying eleven year olds can be wardens, I guess even flying pigs can be queens."

"You met the _jokers?"_

"Yeah, what about it?"

"They aren't they best of company; you probably shouldn't talk to them."

"Like I have a choice, Shorty, I work for them."

"Work…for them."

"There we go again! You apparently suck at English. I'm the newest warden of Wonderland."

And then the shorty –Ace- fell forward.

And into my arms.

What a prissy, fainting on me like that.

...Ookay, I thought this was an adventure, when did it turn into romance?!

* * *

_To be continued._

* * *

**A.N.**

Hey, peeps. So how are you? I just updated my last update for a few days. (I have finals.) And it's short because I wanted to see if you preferred short chapters.

Yeah, so thanks for those who will review and who survived last chapter. So would you like a longer chapter three or one about 3K (like this chapter.)

Yeah, anyways, my input about this chapter. Ah, Alice (MY OC) I love you nicknaming habit. The horror scene was when I was listening to some really creepy song with rasping wolves and whatever, and next chapter will have some AcexOc fluff.

And lots of PeterxAlice (CANON) too!

Sorry, for those who don't like the pairing. But all of wonderland loves her so all of them will have fluffy moments with her.

Oh, and I'm going to publish a one-shot about a lonely little Pierce dedicated for Elsie The Writing Desk. And another story who is yet to be named. Look out for them.

Ja ne,

Hopeless Desires.


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